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All these time I've been questioning myself if I was going crazy.

Turned out I was just getting played.

Funny how people can mess with your brain and your heart at the same time and it surely hurts like a truck. I thought I was special. Shit, I really believed that but as Mark Manson said that I am not special at all, and that is basically just the thought I've been planting to make myself feel better, more superior than everybody else. I am not. It all confirmed last night. How this person, shamelessly, show up after walked away unreasonably. See, I am not crazy. I just hang out with insane people that I already cut off fortunately. Please don't reach me, you piece of shit stick like a chewy gum.

So, with this mood, I'd like to share just some random things that has been staying in my mind, this might be the message from me to myself in the future, or anybody else who might need it, here we go:

When someone tell you that they walk away, don't stop them. They are giving up, they can't bare your bad times and only wanted your goods, and you don't deserve that. You are not some-kind a muse box or game board. You won't get anything that last from that kind-of-person.
Loneliness is real. She is kinda dangerous. Once you reach your limit, call for help.
It's okay to listen to sad songs, broken-up songs, depressed songs, when you are not even sad.
People are really easy to read. Don't make excuses for them to be okay to treat you bad and always open your eyes and ears, people often tells the truth but we often missed it.
They say don't fall for the same mistake twice. I say, fall for it until you crack open your eyes and see everything your brain is not capable of swallow those bullshits anymore.
It is hard to find someone that clicks with you and the other way around, when it happens, do not ever let them go. If they make mistake, forgive them. If they ask for help, lend your hand. But if they drag you down, let go.
Being selfish is sometimes good, but too much can ruin your good heart.
Do not rely one hundred percent on someone that you do not fully trust. They might say they will help you, but they could hold a dagger for you at the same time. Always have back up.
Never show your best cards.
If you wanna walk far, walk together, but if you wanna walk fast, walk alone.
People are hard to understand. So don't try to understand them. Just figure out yours!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Consider this as my middle year lessons learned. Live well.

xx, Nad.

I'd like to tell you, my future self, a story about the time when you hit your bottom of low self esteem and no self love remains. I never thought that I could feel that so here is a reminder.

Someone new in your life, which not very much play role, called you an unprivileged in economy and you are not fit in in their circle. She considered you as an inappropriate person to be friends with and share that thought to other people. When I found out about it I was shook to be honest, I mean, I never bother her, never have a meaningful conversation with her, never judge her, never make bad opinion either. However in another hand, she look very close to me, my details, and how I look. Maybe I wasn't in the right style for her to be friends with, but it's not like I wanna be friends with her either #nooffense

Later on, when I met her (in class) after I found that about it, I get pretty upset. I begin to pay attention to the way she look and what she wears and whom she be friends with. When I get home, I feel the most shitty feeling I have ever felt. Like, I can't even tell anyone how I feel, it's just mad and sad and confuse with who I am. Her words trigger my self esteem. I begin to feel bad about myself, consider myself as an ugly and weird kind of person. Even asking myself, "am I worthy?"

Love yourself, first, always.
pic: weheartit.com/goldenrosaaa

Day by day, it became worse, I was so lazy to do anything and just in bed, watching movies and mostly fall asleep. It sucks. That shitty feeling has been living and growing inside me just because one person say awful things. So, I force myself to get out of bed and clean my dorm, get my life back together, growing back my self love and saying repeatedly to the mirror, "you're beautiful just the way you are, you are enough, don't let other people tell you other wise,"

It wasn't a paved road and I'm still in the process to get back where I was. I even started gym to feel more grateful of my body and actual take care of it, cause it's where I live and I can not replace it with anything in this world, so it is my job to stay healthy. I also seek for support from my significant others. I tell my best friends, my boyfriend even my father about it, and they all laughed and wanting to punch her in the face and told me not to listen to whatever her opinion about myself because she is basically doesn't have anything that could infect me. Honestly, without their help, I might fall deeper into that shitty hole. It also make me realise that I have super supportive group of people who are constantly listening to my stories and truly care about me and she probably doesn't have one, and now I feel sorry for her.

The silver lining of this condition are I try something I've always wanted, I try my best to get out of my comfort zone, I lost myself and I'm on my way to embrace her even more, I realise I have loving people who always there for me and I need to be there for them too, I settle and breathe. I am enough. I am complete.

So, next time you feel that way ever again (I hope not), read this, and believe that you are everything to yourself. Don't beat your self up to fit into someone else's expectation. You don't need people who mould you and hold you back. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep making art. Keep listening to your old sad songs that you love. Keep writing sad poems. Keep warm. Keep being you.

You are unpredictable, that includes your shape, your heart and your mind.

XX, 22th Nadia.

Hari Pengukuhan Mahasiswa Baru Doktoral,
Magister, Spesialis dan Profesi UNAIR 2018/2019

greetings, Fellas!

Di postingan ini Aku akan bahas gimana caranya bisa masuk magister kenotariatan universitas Airlangga a.k.a UNAIR.

Sebelumnya, aku lulus dari Fakultas Hukum Universitas Mulawarman, Kalimantan Timur bulan April 2018. Nah buat yang pengen masuk unair tapi gak percaya diri karena dari universitas luar jawa, jangan khawatir ya, tetep pantengin aja postingan ini sampe habis.

Nah, untuk mendaftar di unair, pastikan kalian sudah ujian pendadaran atau ujian akhir skripsi dan sudah mengantongi Surat Keterangan Lulus ya. Setelah itu bisa sambil melengkapi berkas-berkas dibawah ini:

Surat Keterangan Lulus atau Ijazah
Mintalah SKL kalian secepat yang kalian bisa. Lalu scan dan jadikan dalam bentuk pdf.
Surat Kesehatan
Bebas surat kesehatan dari puskesmas, rumah sakit atau dokter. Scan dan pdf!
Transkip nilai
Sebelum melampirkan transkip nilai pastikan nilai kalian tidak dibawah 2,75 ya!
Akreditasi program studi minimal B
Mintalah sertifikat akreditasi di sekretaris program studi kalian, biasanya ditanya untuk apa doang dan gak ribet kok. Scan dan pdf!
Rencana Pra Proposal
Buatlah Pra Proposal Tesis sebelum due date pendaftaran magister kenotariatan karena ini menjadi salah satu syaratnya. Pra proposal ini gak musti tebal dan lengkap banget macam proposal skripsi. Yang terpenting adalah ide dan pembahasan kamu itu bisa dimengerti dengan baik. pastikan tulisan rapi dan baku. Pra proposal biasanya akan di cek pas wawancara dengan dosen, make sure you impress them with your proposal.
Pas Foto
Siapkan foto terbaikmu! Pastikan kamu punya soft filenya di laptop/komputer kamu ya.

Jadi, kalau berkas-berkas sudah lengkap, ini adalah langkah selanjutnya:

Pendaftaran online
unair adalah kampus berbasis internet yang paling update dan paling gampang diakses menurut aku, jadi jangan takut membuat kesalahan saat pendaftaran online ya. Kalian tinggal ikuti prosedur dari ppmb unair. Masukan data dan keterangan lainnya yang menjadi syarat pendaftaran.
Daftar
Setelah kalian submit semua berkas-berkas dan keterangan diri, kalian tinggal ‘daftar’ dan tunggu verifikasi dokumen dari bagian akademik unair.
Verifikasi dokumen
Dokumen yang kita submit akan di cek dulu oleh bagian akademik unair.
Pengumuman lolos/tidak verifikasi
Kalau verifikasi dokumen kita sudah di cek oleh operator akan muncul sms di handphone kita yang memuat pemberitahuan bahwa dokumen sudah di verifikasi dan apakah dokumen kita lolos verifikasi atau tidak. Aku pribadi sempat 5 kali tidak lolos karena dokumen yang aku scan kurang jelas, jadi make sure kalau scanan kalian gambarnya jelas dan bersih.
Perbaikan dokumen bagi yang tidak lolos verifikasi
Berkas yang tidak lolos akan diberi keterangan kenapa tidak lolos. misalnya, akan ditandai warna merah dan diberi tulisan “berkas tidak jelas, blur ketika di zoom”, nah artinya kalian harus scan ulang dan submit gambar yang lebih oke.
Pembayaran biaya ujian
Pembayaran dilakukan via transfer. Mudah banget.
Ujian bidang ilmu kenotariatan
Jangan takut gak bisa jawab ya! Karena pertanyaannya rata-rata hanya dasar aja kok. jadi walaupun cuma dasar tetep harus belajar sebelumnya. Soal tes bidang adalah essay. Masing-masing ujian diberi waktu 1 jam. Jangan lupa bawa Undang-undang terkait karena ada tes yang bersifat open book.
Ujian TPA & Bahasa Inggris
Ujian ini standar ujian biasa. Kayak yang banyak dijual bukunya di gramed. Gak ada salahnya untuk latihan beberapa soal sebelum ikut ujian.
Wawancara
Disini, kita akan bergiliran di wawancara satu per satu oleh dosen maupun petinggi program studi. Biasanya ditanya terkait pra proposal (pastikan proposal kalian adalah jenis proposal baru, yang fresh dan bukan mengulang dari tesis lama yang sudah basi di internet karena dosen bakal tau), seputar skripsi kalian, rencana ketika diterima dan lulus magister, dan sebagainya. Prepare yourself, jangan gugup berlebihan, karena anak hukum sejatinya mampu melewati tekanan dalam bentuk apapun! elaaaah.
Pengumuman Hasil
Sekitar 2 minggu kita sudah bisa mengakses hasilnya. Tinggal masukin nomor pendaftaran dan password kok. Gampang banget.
Registrasi/ Daftar Ulang
Kalau hasilnya diterima, persiapkan diri untuk registrasi. Ada pembayaran yang harus diselesaikan dan untuk sebagian orang, jumlahnya sangat tinggi. Jadi, pastikan sebelum mendaftar bahwa kita mampu membayar kontan seluruh biaya yang dibebankan jika kita lolos seleksi tersebut.

Untuk tips dan triknya, yang terpenting adalah belajar ya teman-teman. Cukup pelajari dasar-dasar dari setiap ujian sebelum hari H. Pastikan kalian sudah sarapan, karena tesnya lumayan lama dan gunakan pakaian yang sopan dan bersih. Disamping itu, kalian juga bisa sambil kenalan dengan peserta ujian lainnya, supaya kalau ada pengumuman kedepannya bisa saling share. Segitu dulu ya, if you have questions, don’t be shy and comment down below!

Selamat berjuang.

xx, Nadia.

I graduated!

3 years and 10 months I’ve been thru it all. I was not a very bright student, I also break several rules and say no to certain occasion, but I made the best student in my class, in fact, in my generation as well. I worked my ass thru all the tests and the presentation and the examination, I kicked them all. Until I am the top of it all. A summa cum laude. My sweet 3,90 GPA.

I gotta confess that during my first tittle I wanted to be the best. The number one. That’s my goal and I basically just care about that. Score, score and score.

In the end, I feel like a winner to myself. I congratulate myself, I am proud of myself to achieve something like that. I did make my parents proud and they watched me step into the stage as the first one to be called. I made them see me being called as the highest score and the fastest one to graduate. I am crossing my goals.

But on the other hand, I also feel like I missed so many good lessons, just to focus on scores. I remember the time when I was so lazy just to listen to the lecturer or ask questions because I don’t want really bother and just study when it comes to the test. I didn’t go to college to get knowledge, I go to class to get scores. See, how a person could be so stupid get a highest score in her class?

That’s the part where I regret things and choices I made, but still proud of me. This degree is a bridge to get my second one. It means that I have one more chance to fix things and make it right. I can thru it all with the right way. So, I decide to study hard in my post degree. I won’t be just seeking scores but knowledge and skill. I am not sure how it turned out but I am pretty sure everything will be great. Wish me luck!

Here’s some pictures of my graduation day. What a moment!

The MVP

this is me and the boyfriend. one true supporter.

Hari ujian akhir skripsi. Thanks for those who come!

I’ll hold all the presents no matter what. I’m okay.

class A 2014

Yudisium Day

Last but not least, the family picture <3

this photo represent the happiness, ups and downs thru the whole year. before we jump into the craziness, let me give you intro of what brought us together as a solid team.

Kami bertemu karena satu alasan, kami adalah bagian dari GenBI Kalimantan Timur. GenBI adalah komunitas bagi para mahasiswa penerima beasiswa dari Bank Indonesia, nah wajah-wajah diatas adalah mahasiswa Kaltim yang sedang beruntung! Selama satu tahun di tahun 2017, kami melaksakan tugas sebagai anggota GenBI yang memiliki misi untuk menjadikan lingkungan sekitar lebih baik, pribadi yang lebih baik dan calon pemimpin masa depan.

GenBI terdapat 4 divisi yang memiliki peran berbeda namun sama pentingnya, yaitu Divisi pendidikan, Divisi Kesehatan Masyarakat, Divisi Kewirausahaan dan Divisi Lingkungan Hidup. kebetulan aku sendiri tergabung dalam Diving Lingkungan Hidup. Masing-masing divisi memiliki program kerja yang berkaitan dengan divisinya. Contoh: Divisi Pendidikan punya skuter pustaka (motor dengan rak buku yang bisa dibawa kemana-mana), divisi kewirausahan punya brand makanan sendiri, yaitu real mate dan delichips, divisi lingkungan hidup punya program namanya ‘fun day without plastic’ dimana kamu bisa tukarkan botol plastik bekas dengan goodie bag atau tumblr, terakhir divisi kesehatan masyarakat rutin mengadakan agenda menghibur anak kanker di rumah sakit setiap minggunya!

See, disini kami diajarkan banyak hal, literally banyak banget yang bisa dijadikan pelajaran dan berguna buat kedepannya. kami diajarkan berorganisasi, tawar-menawar, berinovasi, kerja keras, bertanggung jawab dan profesionalisme. Perjalanan selama kurang lebih satu tahun, bikin kami saling kenal dan hapal kepribadian satu sama lain, tahu bagaimana cara mengatasi perbedaan pendapat dan menetapkan satu suara. Dalam perjalanan kami menuju itu semua, benar-benar gak gampang. Marah-marahan ada, musuh-musuhan sempat terjadi, nangis-nangisan udah! Tapi semua itu membuahkan hasil kerja sama dan sukses mencapai target-target yang ditetapkan.

Komunitas ini memberikan kesempatan untuk belajar banyak, mengenal banyak, merasakan banyak. Jadi, if somehow out there, you’re reading this post because you’re curious what GenBI is, we are front liner, future leader, change agent. or maybe you’re about to sign up for Bank Indonesia scholarship, I’d say take it. don’t throw this opportunity away. you’ll only be better after you signed up for this community.

Untuk satu tahun penuh yang sangat bermakna, terimakasih Bank Indonesia atas kesempatan yang diberikan untukku, terimakasih teman-teman GenBI Kaltim 2017, I’ll never forget each and every one of you. See you guys on the way to the top!

I have always wanted to be what my father told me. But that’s not because I have to obey him without question, like most of children do, no. I always have choice not to obey and he never forbid me for whatever it is I chose, my father will support me whatever path that I take but I’d rather chose what he said would be best for me.

I did what my father told me because I KNEW it would be the best for me and that my father knew me better than anyone, he see me as himself, and that would never be wrong. So I want to be a notary because my father said it would perfectly fit me, and my personality.

So, I took the path. I signed up in Airlangga University, magister of notary. I did the test, the interview and the result is I made it in. although my dad always wanted me to go to Gadjah Mada University, as he did to get his master degree, but my heart surprisingly say no. I don’t know why exactly but I just found myself made excuses not to sign up in there. On the other side, I joined UNAIR.

I have to wait more or less 4 months until my class begin. I have nothing to do, so I decide to prepare for my departure.

Here are sneak peak of what to prepare before you go to a new college, as I do:

Study

You never know what’s waiting for you in there, so might as well be ready. Study things you didn’t know before and try to understand it, not just casual reading. It’s important to study before you go to new college and meet many smart people and don’t caught up in there, gasping. You have to rise, you pay a lot for the knowledge, make sure you reserve as much as you can.

New clothes

If you don’t have appropriate clothes to wear, if you haven’t bought new clothes for awhile, if you think the clothes you own doesn’t represent who you are anymore, go out and buy. The clothes you buy must be the clothes that represent who you are, decent clothes, clothes you love, clothes that makes you feel good wearing them, get comfortable wearing your own style. All that would make a huge difference. People will look at your face first, and your clothes is the next. Make sure you are in a good version of yourself in front of people. You can wear your mouldy clothes at your dorm only.

Renew your equipment

For me, it’s important to attend to new college with new equipment that support you to the max. If you have this old laptop and it often trouble/error or the battery is almost dead, you should replace it with the new one. If you don’t have a printer before, you should consider to buy one. Because you never know what you’re dealing with in the future. the equipment that works properly would help you a lot and save you from unnecessary drama.

Make plans

This is important. Plans are everything you need before you started anything. Plans what you’re going to do all day. Plans what you will do after class, plans what to eat, plans what to do after you shower in the evening, plans your gym time, plans your weekend, plans your study board. Plans keep you going. I’d like to help with the plan if you want. Comment down below!

Prepare your mental

Last but not least, prepare the mental. New college could be tough. Especially, if you’re new to the city and basically have no-one to support you. That’s why I told you before to avoid the unnecessary drama, because you have to deal with everything with yourself. Your mental will be your fortress. New college, new people, new lecturers, new culture, new you. Deep breath and handle things slow but sure. Things take time. Heal yourself from hatred. Save yourself some good mantra to start the day. Pray before go bed. Tell yourself, you are what you are, you are strong and independent. You have to study, you have to learn. You have to get that degree.

Alright, that’s all my preparation before I took off to the next stage of my life!

I hope what I share to you might as well help you go thru whatever it is you’re facing.

Have a good day everyone.

picture source: weheartit.com/@Izabelsito

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I feel relieve, strong, motivated, excited, happy at the same time.

I play back all the sad song I used to listen when I was hurting so bad and the best thing about it is I laughed through all the songs, smiling through the lyrics, remembering how empty and miserable I was.

I let people get into me, hurt me, betray me, almost destroy me. but now, they all say is I was right.

I was right and they are sorry, even wanting another chance to take part in my life, one more time. But I am not the same person as they knew before. The truth is I am glad that they left and made who I am today. I am so glad, really.

All of those tears, wet pillow, box of tissues, accompany me through the tough nights. But I get out alive, until all of those sad songs become happy songs.

So, I wanted to apologise to them, because I don't feel the same way as they do. Sounds evil, but I don't want them in my life anymore. Happiness are easier to feel when they are not around and not in my mind either. I hope they find themselves in a good place, as well as mine.

Now I feel complete. I feel blessed. I feel all the joy in this world.

I am lucky to be who I am today. I am lucky to be alive.

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