Archive for February 2017

Home Archive for February 2017

Yesterday we spent all day. We did great things. Beautiful things. But don't get me wrong, it's not the things most girls desire. It's not pink or roses. It's far away from Teddy Bear or Chocolate. During that day, I caught him looking at me while I was looking away. Not sure if it really happened or is it just me? But everytime he did that, he looked like someone who might be my next big mistake and I have to admit, I like that. But that idea changed as fast as he steal a sight of me, cause he - like any normal bad boys - likes trash girls. I mean, really trash. The kinda trash that pick boys based on his shoes brand and his vehicle. My heart tear a little bit when I heard he said that he can't compete with another douchebag.

I see him in a good way - probably far away too good than most girls he have been dated, and he is good. But he also got demons. So, I wanted to go home. I drove alone. Thinking about society. Thinking about how funny relationship can be made or done. Thinking about him.

We both got home midnight. I crawl into my bed. He sent me messages, said he couldn't fall asleep cause the coffee he ordered was too strong. He wanted me to be his company. Yeah? I'll be his company whenever he needed it, and it works both ways. So, I stayed awake. Then, he's probably too tired to type so he called me. I answered.

He told me stories about us. He sang me to sleep but never let me close my eyes. He did it well. I told you he's dangerous. But also fun. Until he mentioned a girl name.

He described how pretty she is and all that gorgeous look. He told me how crazy he was chasing that fine girl. He sounded like he's proud. Of course, he is proud. He got that girl in his hands, took her to the cinema, spent a lovely night (quite different than mine lol), bought her drinks. Then, he said, "I like hanging around with her, cause when we hang out, I like the way people see us. I got a fine chick on me."

Oh, sweet Marry. Bad, bad, bad boy.

Bad boys did good things. But bad boys also hurt incredibly well.

I laughed.

And I said, "Yeah? Nice."

He continued his story but I didn't listen. I got holes in my heart and I need to fix it first.

Balance, balance, balance.

I have to take control of how I feel.

People won't call us 'couple' cause we don't look like it.

People won't see you the way you like cause I'm not that kind of a barbie girl who use tons of make up and dressed well.

People won't like us together.

My heart dropped. He is just a bad boy who got a nice touch but controlled by society. We can't be together. Better not putting my hope high.

So, for once, I asked myself, "is this love?"

Maybe someday.

This morning he texted me. Don't expect a good morning cause it wasn't. He is just comfortable being with me but we both know deep inside that we're not a good investor for things such as feeling, and to invest feelings into one another is a bad bad idea.

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