This year I can finally say that life is getting better. I have many things to be thankful for, I am grateful every step of the way, although sometimes rain and storm come, but I always try to look forward for a rainbow. 

So, this is the recap of 2021:

1. I lost a parent this year. She is not dead, just gone, but somehow it makes everything worse because I was so confuse about how I should feel about it. She is gone, but I can't mourn, because she is alive, I can't act like everything is fine either because she is suddenly missing. So, how did I manage? I just hate her. That is the only exit door for me to feel something. I just hate her this entire year. 

2. I got married, which is the best thing that happen to me this year, we're walking slowly towards the life we have been dreaming and put on a deep thought about what is enough for us, it's not an easy answer, maybe because humans are never satisfied and that's what we're working on, so we can figure out when to fly, when to stop and when to enjoy things. I am grateful for the partner that I chose, he is the best thing that anyone can ask. He made me see the standard of man so high above. 

3. I started the internship to be notary for 24 months, the best thing is not 'starting' it, the best thing is doing it in Bapak Aji Suryana office. I am so lucky to work there. It was such a nice office, a kind boss, a non toxic environment, a great place to learn things. Not many office has the best of them, but mine has it all. 

4. I met a new best friend. Mba Tata, who feels more like a big sister. I have no idea how lucky I am this year, meeting her was a life changer. I can't believe I could befriend with someone so close in this age, I thought I can only have the best friend I've had since I was 14. She is energetic, inspiring and super generous. I learned a lot from her, maybe because we have many things in common, and we met every day. Now she is done with the internship, but I hope we can maintain our friendship. I hope nothing but the best for her, she is gonna walk very far in life, and I can't wait to know her stories. 

5. I got accepted to join ATR/BPN. Everyone say that I am beyond lucky and that's a big achievement, but deep inside there is something heavy that I feel...maybe because I won't continue the internship, and the notary journey that I work so hard for, maybe because I won't be notary any time soon, maybe because I'll give up on that dream...But to make it better, I promise myself that whenever you feel like you want to continue the notary journey, whenever you feel like you want to quit, you just do it. This is not a life time job. You can always choose your way. 

And that is it. The highlight of my 2021. 

NB:

Lately, I was thinking that maybe I should enjoy things a little bit. Life for now. I think the 'future' little me always dreaming is right here right now. She was so eager to jump out to the future to feel okay, to be okay, and I think that future is here, and I am willing to enjoy it for her. Little Nadia, we made it better. Things are better now. Thank you for not giving up to live this life. We did it.