Silver Lining

ranger riding through an open space

Home Archive for April 2016
Besok tanggal 21 April, artinya kita memperingati salah satu pahlawan Indonesia yang menjunjung tinggi emansipasi wanita hingga perempuan-perempuan bisa setara dengan laki-laki seperti hari ini. 

Kartini. 

Jujur, kalau aku bisa time traveling aku bakal ngunjungin masa hidup Kartini dan berteman dengan beliau. Walaupun mungkin bakal susah karena gaya hidup dan tradisi kami berbeda, apalagi bahasa yang dipakai Kartini waktu itu adalah bahasa Jawa asli dan aku bukan orang Jawa (Duh!). Kartini itu orang yang anggun, bijaksana, seorang pemikir dan pejuang. Aku sering mikir kalau waktu itu Ayah Kartini gak maksa Kartini buat menikah, lalu Kartini punya anak, mungkin Kartini bakal hidup panjang dan membuat lebih banyak perubahan di Indonesia, khususnya pulau Jawa. Mungkin Kartini bakal lebih terkenal dengan aspirasinya langsung tanpa lewat surat, mungkin Kartini lebih bisa menjaga kelestarian keanggunan wanita hingga sekarang.

Banyak anak Indonesia yang memperingati Hari Kartini dengan memakai kebaya dan sanggul, berjalan pelan karena sarung yang ketat, memakai banyak riasan dan berpura-pura terlihat anggun. Tapi sebenarnya kehilangan makna dari 'anggun' itu sendiri. 

Perempuan pada generasi kita tidak benar-benar tahu siapa itu Kartini. Kita tidak benar-benar mau mengenal Kartini. Mungkin kalau kita bisa kenal dengan Kartini, bakal banyak perempuan yang jatuh cinta dengannya. Jatuh hati dengan pembawaannya dan cita-citanya. 

Lihat sekeliling kita. Lihat diri kita. 
Ternyata ada baiknya Kartini bukan lahir pada jaman ini, karena dia mungkin bakal pusing dengan kelakuan anak perempuan sekarang. Termasuk aku. 

Ibu Kartini, kita sudah mendapat pendidikan yang layak dan setara dengan laki-laki tapi kita minim pengetahuan tentang norma kesopanan dan norma kesusilaan. Apalagi mengikuti tradisi dan perilaku pada jamanmu. 

Mungkin bukan seperti ini yang dibayangkan Kartini saat beliau berjuang untuk mensejajarkan hak perempuan terhadap laki-laki. Tapi inilah yang terjadi. 
Disini, aku gak mau menjelaskan keadaan seperti apa, karena generasi kita juga tahu persis apa yang kumaksud. Kalaupun aku harus menjelaskan keadaan terpuruk ini, aku akan menjelaskannya pada Kartini. Hanya pada Kartini. 
Ayo pergi keluar dan bicara
Let's go out and talk
Berjalan-jalan dan bercanda
Take a walk and throwing jokes
Untuk mengatakan 'aku sayang kamu'
To say 'I care for you'
Bawa saja aku ke tempat paling sederhana
Just take me to the simplest place
Kau tidak perlu membawa bunga
You don't have to bring flowers
Asal kita sejenak berdua
As long as we're together for a moment
Ayo habiskan sisa hari ini
Let's spend the rest of day
Dan berharap itu akan bertahan
And hoping it'll last

Baiklah, maaf
Alright, I'm sorry
Aku tidak seharusnya meminta itu
I shouldn't ask for those things
Aku meminta terlalu banyak
I asked for too much
Kurasa aku menggantung banyak harapan
I think I did high hopes
Tidak apa, tidak usah hiraukan
Nevermind, don't bother
Bahkan Bruno Mars menyanyikan 'when I was your man'
Even Bruno Mars sings 'when I was your man'

Lanjutkan urusanmu
Keep doing your business
Kita masih punya lain kali
We still have some other time
Kuharap kita masih punya kesempatan lain
I hope we get another chance
Supaya kau bisa berada disini, karena seharusnya kau ada disini
So you can be here, because you should
Aku tidak jago berpura-pura
I'm suck at pretending
Tapi kali ini, berbeda
But this time, it's different
Walaupun aku sangat menginginkanmu
Although I wanted you so bad
Aku sadar bahwa pada dasarnya aku memang sendirian
I realize I was basically all alone
Melewati tanggal-tanggal itu
Through those dates
Hari-hari jadi-ku sendiri
All those my own anniversaries

aesthetic, color, and fluorescent image


Woke up in a different hotel, same fairy tale
We've been through the rocky road and heavy rain
At night the ceilling start talking
he said I made mistake by brought you in
It's time to visit the chapel
and confess your sins


Somehow, you got me with your bomb-shell tricks
I fell harder than I thought I could
You kiss me so deep, I collied to the sink
But who we are to care about the room service


Shower me with kisses
Don't stop even the world full of jealousy
Hightlight me, but don't rush
We have every day to spend, all money in cash
Teach me how to be wealthy
Cause all I can say is you're one and only
Smashed me till I'm numb
I crash only by the tip of your thumb


Now the ceilling is quiet
But a question popped into my head
Do you love me?
Do you really love me or just the idea of me loving you?
If you think that you know me well, you'll know how much I love to relate my feelings to songs. I had so many moments when I couldn't tell or explain things in my head and I just mention one song title that describe pretty much my feelings. 

So, I was wondering how many songs that already helped me to walk on my days. Let's start!

1. Jealous by Labrinth

Major throwback! I listened to this when I was real sad because the boy I love the most (you should've known him if you knew me well) never text back all of my message. And I keep wondering what he was doing back then, what he was thinking or what problems he got into and I wished he called and tell that his life wasn't that great without me. Ugh, I sound like a fangirl but I don't care. 
So this song perfectly suit me that time. 

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, 'cause
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me
All you found was heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say,
I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

2. Stone Cold by Demi Lovato 

Another sad song! This one is one of my favorite until now. Demi with her voice totally killed it, she really deserve a Grammy or something. So, this song tells about the girl who used to be someone's favorite, his sweet love, his everything until things turn around and he kinda move on and forget about her. She tries to balance the situation so she doesn't feel too stress about but however... she still loves him. 
The lyrics pretty much describe my feelings but this one was my favorite!

"I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold"

3. Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld

Umm... actually this song is the one that I listen to when someone or a situation brings me down or when some jerks trying to fool me or some bitches just messing around spreading gossips and talk shits behind me. I keep telling myself that honestly I don't care about what they are doing and I wanna thank them for giving me an extra effort for observing my life and stuffs and they put so much attention on me. On the other side, I really don't need them. So, I have nothing to lose. 

I'll take it nice and slow
Feeling good on my own without you, yeah
Got me speaking in tongues
The beautiful, it comes without you, yeah

I'm gonna put my body first
And love me so hard 'til it hurts
I know how to scream out the words
Scream the words

4. Strange Love by Halsey


We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night
But the ending is the same every damn time

They think I'm insane
They think my lover is strange
But I don't have to fucking tell them anything
Anything
And I'm gonna write it all down
And I'm gonna sing it on stage
But I don't have to fucking tell you anything
Anything



Here's to you who wonder why I chose him, why I adore someone like him and you know what, I really don't have to tell you anything.

5. A Little Too Much by Shawn Mendez

Sometimes life went hard and all I wanna do was to escape and disappear. Everybody has their own problems even those who looks like they have fun all the time. So, this song tells more about it. How I should keep being strong and among those problems I should stand up higher! 


She would not show that she was afraid,
But being and feeling alone was too much to face,
Though everyone said that she was so strong,
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on,

But she knew that she would be okay,
So she didn't let it get in her way,

Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much

6. Crazier by Taylor Swift

Ah. I've known this song for awhile but never really use it to describe my feelings until he came along and did the exactly same thing with the lyrics! I saved this song for the best moment that I've been waiting for, and finally it arrived.

You lift my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I am lost in your eyes
You make me crazier, crazier, crazier


7. Amnesia - 5SOS

Last, but not least. 
Honestly, my hands are shaking whenever I hear this song because it ripped me into pieces. This song isn't about me describing things but 'someone' describe things for me. 

I'm the 'she' in this song. Every. damn. fucking. word. 


Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape



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