Rest your heavy head on my thigh

My scars
My wounds
My broken bones



You always succeed
The one that got away
The one that slipped away

I'm not gonna thank you for anything
In fact that I pray 
To never see you again

Never will I ever help you
Or even look in your eyes
You are too painful to be called as a human


N.

I have told you that I'm a mess when you found me
I'm a wreck and I need time
To start with someone new, just like you
I need pure courage

I can't afford another broken heart
I'm too tired to suddenly tearing up in coffee shop
Just because I realize how lonely I was
I'm too old for lovers games

If you want me in your life
Really want me
First, you have to teach me how to survive myself
How to live under my own skin, when it's not pretty anymore

The other way
I'm too scared that you might went away
When you find out that I'm just a girl who can't be fixed
I'm terrifed that you'll leave me
Just because you realize how unstable I was

Baby, baby
I'm too damaged for you

Bukan kehilanganmu yang membuat malam ini berat; tapi tindakanmu.
Melukai hatiku bukan perkara sulit, kau tahu benar bumbu raciknya.
Jauh-jauh melangkah dibayar oleh kekecewaan ini, kalau diizinkan aku ingin ucap sumpah serapah.
Tapi kubiarkan emosiku melukai diri sendiri.

Sekarang tidak ada jalan untuk bisa berdamai lagi.
Terlalu gelap untuk disusuri, terlalu berbahaya.
Setidaknya aku ingin kau menjelaskan darimana pemikiran buruk itu muncul di otakmu.
Kenapa tiba-tiba aku lah penjahatnya.
Atau jika memang begitu, katakan saja dimana letak kurangku.

Astaga.
Kau memang masih juaranya pemupuk kecewa.
Kalau memang harus begini ujungnya, silakan pergi saja.
Pilih jalan yang menyenangkanmu.
Sisakan yang pahit untukku.
Kalau-kalau kau lupa, yang pahit itu kadang menenangkan.

If they were in my shoe, I bet they already committed suicide.
Just to imagine myself from laying low on the ground, enjoying the pain, could make them cry an ocean.
I've been broken and bruised.
I can't sleep at night, I couldn't use my head properly under the daylight.
They want me to shut myself down, I must be out of my mind.
But my broken shoe is the only shoe I got, no matter how broken it is, at least I have one.
So, give up is never been in my dictionary.
After the struggles and the suffers, I get up to choose me.
I choose to be no one but the girl who embracing her open wounds.
I want nothing but being free and careless.
Cause baby, I'm sick of being reckless.
I don't wanna be saved anymore.
I need to fight.
Then, I finally decided to stop acting like a princess and starts training like a knight.
My horse is 2 meters tall and run like a thunderbolt.
Don't get in my way, don't tell me what to do, don't give me any advices.
I saved myself. I survived myself. I stand as myself.
So, hurt me.
Oh God, I dare you to hurt me.
Go on, twist the knife.
Make my heart acne, open up the dry wounds, don't let them heal, even dig holes in it, but I won't care.
I won't feel anything, cause I've been broken a million times, a little too often, until I realize that I no longer have one.