Now I finally
have something to complaint about after a long time.
I wanna talk
about people and expectation.
Lately I feel
like I’m a saint woman who always gives everything she has. I shares what I got
and I learned to be patience. Everything that wasn’t my nature but I tried to
turn it into some kind of habit, because it’s a good thing to do. That’s what
human does. We live for that, aren’t we?
Give and
share.
Both are good
words. People adore those acts.
But let’s
check the impact.
First,
people. If someone is giving away their attention so easily or sharing their
source of happiness publicly, people are starting to expect for it. The more we
expect, the more we might get hurt. So the second is expectation. That is such
a dangerous thing to feel. Expectation might kill you, you know. No, you don’t know
that yet. You’ll know when you figure it out by your own.
I’m in the
middle of that road. Someone has expecting me to be kind and generous all the
time, in fact that I couldn’t. I might be able to do that but not 24/7. Maybe because
I got demons too and I need to set them free once in awhile, they demand to be
fed or maybe because I’m tired of trying to be someone else or fitting in to
the kind of personality that doesn’t match me.
I wanted to
scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to do both.
This ain’t
me. I wanna find myself again.
Note:
“Don’t expect
too much from me.
Your expectations are going to my burden
And I might hate
that
And I don’t wanna hate you.”
