Silver Lining

ranger riding through an open space

Home Archive for 2016
2016 has a lot to give and a lot to take, but let's trying not to screw every inch about it and let it flow, alright? 

So here are things I figure out this year:

  1. If you think that you don't fit in with certain people, then stop pretending that you are. 
  2. Sometimes, we all lost somewhere but we're not ready to be found. We just want to run around acting weird.
  3. Don't judge people. I know it's classic but it's also the hardest.
  4. Everything is not about you.
  5. Movies and milk are the perfect mate.
  6. More and more honest to yourself.
  7. It's nice to have something nice to wear.
  8. Goals are just goals until you get up and work so you can eliminate them one by one.
  9. This happens a lot, more often than you think, it's the moment when you know that what you're doing is right but you couldn't stand it, you'd rather be wrong and feel safe than be right but suffer.
  10. Think more than twice before you got into someone else's fight.
  11. Rain is good. Have a soft cute blanket to cover you up.
  12. The Alfa can't deal with another Alfa in the same room.
  13. It's okay to be sad.
  14. Things that worry now, probably won't matter tomorrow.
  15. You think you can? Then you can.
I'm not sure how my 2017 is going to look like. Probably not so different from 2016 anyway. I hope I can make it to my best, xoxo.

I look at him while he is busy with his phone - scrolling down the youtube channel he thinks interesting enough to see, so I lay beside him which is my most favorite thing, I watch his thumb moves up and down on repeat, I'd never get bored.
and I whisper to my heart, very gentle, I was afraid he could hear it, but I hope he didn't. 
"...I almost lose him, you know." Sssshhhh, lower your voice!
"I almost lose him for lame reasons, he almost got away, I almost gave up, we almost end...but look at us now."
It made me flashback to that night when I already set my memories to the list of stuffs that we do for the last time.

The last time we were driving together
The last time I sit behind his back in his new motor bike
The last time we had dinner, well, sadly, I don't even order anything
The last time we spend a night together
The last time he sees my tear falling down
The last time I swear, he could rub the palm of my hand and touch my naked shoulder
The last time I laugh for his stupid joke
The last time he told me that I was lost somewhere
The last time I saw him and he saw me

But the truth is we couldn't live our life without each other
And that was the only strong reason that bring us back to the same path, the same old story
We can't bare the fact that we're doing those stuffs for the last time and we won't do it no more

I was wrong
He was aware
I was stupidly take him for granted
He was patiently trying to figure me out
I made mistakes
So did he
I was exhausted
So was he
But at the same time, we don't want whatever we had ends here

So we continue
So we run
So we keep holding on
So we kiss

And suddenly the world was heavy
Now it's gone
He breath me in, I surrender
He breath me out, I change for good

I look at him while he is busy with his phone - still scrolling down the youtube channel cause he hasn't found anything interesting enough to see, and I still lay beside him which is my forever most favorite thing, I watch his thumb moves up and down, now it stops.
And I whisper with a clear voice to my heart, "He is the love of my life, and I've proved it. I've lied, I've cheated, I was a traitor, I was acting madly crazy, I was unforgivable, I've pushed him away, yet he still here."

He looks at me now, right to my eyeball, very close, and he said, "I can't find something worth our minutes to watch, you pick."
I smile. I'm extremely grateful for having second chance at love. 
I love him and all of his scars and his ego, even his silly mustache.
I love him the way I always do, and I hope he still does feel the same way.
"Let's just cuddle ourself to sleep," I replied. 

I crazy am needing you. 

The only one who could make me do impossible things.
The only one I breath for.
The only one crave all night, all day.
The only one who can actually drive me madly insane.
The only one that could hug me so tight that all my broken pieces put back together.
The only one who turn sins to stones.
The only one I could run into.
The only one who brave enough to stay.

I made one,
One giant,
Incredible big mistake.

But don't give up on me.
Never. 
Just...don't.
Please.
Cause no matter how hyporite I am,
For saying I can live well without you,
And stupidly ignore you,
I crazy am needing you.

What life looks like without you in it; Hell.
How is the life of those children?

Tell me how to survive. Tell me how they feed themselves.
Tell me how to have a shelter. Tell how to live well without breaking the rules.
Tell me how to escape and not coming back.
Because I want to be able to not needing his present.
I want to be able to stand up for my own.
When the air becomes so cold, it hurts your skin
Colder, it tears up your bones
You could run to the warmer place
But it would wake your demon up
And we both don't want that to happen

So you better bite your tongue
Let the cold swallow you in
Or you can choose to train your demon
Change that vanta black kind of soul
To be just noir
So it'll be easier to breath, lighter to control

Please, please
Don't you unfriend your demon
Feed him the darkness of your soul
Ask him to dance under the moonlight
Sing him lullaby

Because even in the middle of freezing air
To stay alive you need your demon
To keep your heart beat
The cold may break your bones
But your demon is a soldier
And he's stronger when you train him
There comes a day or night when I don't feel like to do anything, but lying beside you - listening to your stories and throwing bad jokes. Stupidly, wasting time with you wasn't a waste at all. It was spending time with someone who I think I love the most.
Until one day, it hits me.
That question I never thought I could think of.

"Define us. You and him." My half heart challenge the other.
"We are so perfect for each other." It answered surely.
And then the other half whispers, "...or we are just perfect for fun?"

After that, everything I see was blury. I wanted to have fun but fun is all we ever have. 
I wanted to act romantic but my other half say that I'm not suppose to do that. 
Then, my brain comes to join the fight - making it all more confusing and stressing my whole body.

"He is so controversial." My brain said. My heart agreed. "You will have fun when the time comes. Both of you will be perfect for each other - not just be of one those random couple who sinned as much as the rest of couples in this world."

But my heart won't lie that sometimes it misses him. 
Me (and my heart) want to hear his voice and his laugh, his scent and comb my hand through his hair, driving the city at night, act like we are innocence. 
Yes, he is controversial. He is the match that trigger the fights in me. 

Bottle to bottles, 
Light on and out,
And the rain outside won't stop pouring,
Just like your glass always fulfilled,
She screams a lot,
But yet you are not listening,
Until the bottle runs out of vodka,
You ask for one more.



She shouts in your ear,
Please, don't do this to me
Only so you will turn your head,
See how broken she is,
Beg you to stop hurting yourself,
And people around you,
However,
Your view wasn't even as clear as the window covered with dew,
You couldn't see,
Your heart is numb since decades,
You can't feel,
How strong she was this whole time,
How brave she was to chose not to leave you behind.



Put the glass down, she begs.
You didn't hear anything,
Because you are drowning in your own sadness,
Think no one could save you,
The sorrow have been dragging your soul,
Till you have none,
She gave you hers long time ago,
So you can breath,
So you can walk this earth freely.

She sacrifices so much,
Give you hundreds of shots,
Now she is getting tired,
Knowing she is nothing,
But a waste.

She is too sober to be drunk,
You are too drunk to be on this fight,
You are not worth it after all,
Sadly, she is aware of that before she turns to ashes.
Now I can breath easily
Right after you said that you remember me
In your quick breakfast

Now I can smile sincerely
Right after you said that you remember me
In a good way

It's simple and probably you think it's dumb
But it's everything I ever wanted since
I tear your world apart, and I sinned
And I have been punished

Now after you set us freely
I can walk straight and not feeling numb
We both let go the sense that tight us like zombies
After all, I don't regret anything we have done
Cause you made me who I am today
And I was in your past, was your most important girl

Now we can fly safety
To reach the dreams we've been craving
Perhaps I could say
I'll see you when I see you

She glazed and whispers to my ear, "I don't like it,"

"What is it?" I asked.

"The scent he left in my room" she answered. "It's all over my blanket and pillows like he just sprayed his cologne purposefully, and it'll remain me of him in the middle of the night when I accidently wake up from nightmares he put me through," She took one deep breath, "As he walked out the door, I hope he didn't left anything behind, not his heart, not even his scent, cause it could drive me insane,"

I'm not sure what to say, so I just sit there. Watching her glazed to the lights of the city 
...and she cries
...and I let her.


Satu, dua, tiga
Yang dulu sempat ada, tanpa canggung mengantarkan perkara
Mampu mengukir senyum walau barang sedetik

Tiga, dua, satu
Yang teristimewa justru tak kunjung menyela
Padahal ialah yang paling dicinta

Satu, dua, tiga
Berharap secepatnya ia akan menyapa
Sebab hanya dengan itu, aku dapat menjadi kuat

Tiga, dua, satu
Hari berganti, ia tak beperkara jua
Hingga sisa malam ini kuhabiskan bersandiwara

Lelah
Letih sekali, hingga lemah
Namun bagaimana pun, ia menjadikanku dingin dan kaku
Aku belum mau pulang


Sebelumnya aku belum pernah sharing secara detail banget tentang perjalanan-perjalanan yang aku lakuin selama liburan kuliah karena emang biasanya gak punya waktu buat nulis panjang dan udah disibukin sama urusan rumah atau kuliah. But this time is kinda different, karena selama perjalanan kemarin, aku ngerasain yang namanya susah nyari informasi tentang destinasi aku, dan ketika sudah dapet narasumber yang pernah berkunjung kesana, malah banyak informasi yang meleset dan beda banget T.T

But for me, traveling out of the schedule itu justru yang paling menyenangkan! All you have to do is enjoy yourself being lost somewhere you have never been before. Tapi juga, sebagian orang justru lebih suka kalau punya planning yang jelas supaya segala sesuatunya berjalan lancar dan dapet liburan tanpa hambatan. So, aku bakal jelasin semua yang aku laluin selama aku di Karimunjawa pas pertengahan Agustus 2016 kemarin. 

Aku bakal update tentang hal-hal yang bisa bantu traveler yang pengen ke Karimunjawa dengan situasi yang terbaru. Here we go :

Jadi, aku berangkat ke Karimunjawa dari Jogjakarta. Yang nantinya harus stop dulu di Jepara, baru deh bisa nyebrang ke Karimun. 
Nah, dari Jogja, kita bisa naik bus, shuttle bus atau naik kendaraan pribadi. Khusus buat yang pengen naik bus atau shuttle bisa cek kontak perusahaan yang nyediain jasa antar-jemput kesana - karena aku dan partner traveling aku (Tya!!) mutusin buat bawa kendaraan pribadi.
So, kita naik motor dari Jogjakarta ke Karimunjawa. Kita beranggapan kalau naik motor sendiri pastinya pas di Karimunjawanya lebih gampang kalau mau jalan-jalan, ditambah lagi bisa muter-muter Kota Jepara dulu sebelum nyebrang ke Karimun. 

Dari Jogja ke Jepara kurang lebih kita harus nempuh jarak 203 km. Aku saranin kalau mau naik motor harus cek kendaraan motornya dulu ya, surat-suratnya juga harus lengkap (kalau ga mau kena razia sih! hehe). Nah, aku pakai aplikasi WAZE dan masukin destinasi "Pelabuhan Kartini Jepara", perjalanan dari Jogja ke Jepara sekitar 6-8 jam. Lumayan juga sih capeknya... Tapi kalau capek gak perlu dipaksain dan mending cari tempat istirahat aja :]
Selama perjalanan dari Jogja ke Jepara, aku naik motor beat keluaran baru dan ngisi bensin 2 kali (full tank yaa) sebelum akhirnya sampai di Jepara. Kita ngelewatin banyak Kota sebelum sampai di destinasi, kayak Magelang, Ambarawa, Semarang dan Demak.

Nah, di Jepara, kita kesulitan nyari penginapan yang dibawah 100rb per malam (jangankan yang murah, nyari penginapannya aja susah T.T) karena Jepara bukan termasuk Kota padat penduduk. Jepara itu sepi dan jarang ada turis kecuali yang mau nyebrang ke Karimun. 
Aku dapet penginapan di daerah Pantai Kartini dengan harga 110rb (dan udah tawar menawar dengan susah payah). 

Oke, lanjut ke penyebrangan. 

Kalau kalian bawa kendaraan pribadi ke Karimun, itu artinya kalian harus naik ferry. Nah ferry ini ada jadwalnya, gak setiap hari berangkat dari Jepara. Jadwalnya :

senin : Jepara ke Karimun 1x
selasa : Karimun ke Jepara 1x
rabu : Jepara ke Karimun 1x
kamis : Karimun ke Jepara 1x
jumat : PP 
sabtu : Jepara ke Karimun 1x
minggu : Karimun ke Jepara 1x

Harga nyebrang (Agustus 2016) untuk kapal Ferry : sebenarnya harga tiket cuma 49rb tapi ntar bakal ada retribusi untuk turis 10rb jadi siapin aja uang 60rb. Dan untuk motor, sekitar 50rb. Kalau mobil gak tau T,T Kalau kalian gak bawa kendaraan pribadi alias cuma bawa diri (dan gak lagi ngehemat budget) bisa naik kapal cepat, aku kurang tau harganya berapa, kalau gak salah 300rban. Kapal cepat berangkat tiap hari dan waktu tempuhnya cuma 2-3 jam aja, sedangkan naik Ferry memakan waktu 5-6 jam perjalanan. Jadi aku saranin, kalau naik Ferry mending makan dulu sebelum naik kapal. 

Oh iya, gak kalah penting nih, kalau ombak besar, secara otomatis gak ada kapal yang bisa membawa kita ke Karimun, jadi lebih baik cek keadaan laut dulu sebelum pergi kesana. Kan sayang kalau udah sampai Jepara taunya gak ada kapal yang berangkat.

Sekitar satu sampai dua jam sebelum sampai di Karimun, ombaknya bakal terasa lebih kencang dari sebelumnya. Kebanyakan orang jadi mabuk laut dan pada muntah, kusaranin kalau sudah mulai terasa ombak kencang, mending tidur aja wkwk.

Sampai di Karimunjawa! dari pelabuhan kita bakal lewatin lapangan kosong dan itu adalah alun-alunnya. Kalau malam hari, disana ramai, penuh orang jualan makan malam dan khasnya adalah ikan bakar, jadi kalian milih mau ikan apa (ikan yang masih mentah lho) terus dibakarin langsung saat itu juga, seger banget. Tapi tapi tapi, buat yang hemat budget, mending gak usah deh wkwk karena harganya lumayan. Satu ikan besar bisa dibandrol dengan harga 40rb sampai entahlah berapa, dan itu belum termasuk nasi dan minumnya. Tapi ada alternatif lain, kalian bisa makan nasi goreng dengan harga 20rban disekitar alun-alun. 

Oke, balik ke pelabuhan. Begitu keluar pelabuhan, gak jauh dari situ kalian bakal ngelewatin pemukiman warga dan itu adalah kotanya. Soalnya kemarin, aku pergi jauh keluar pemukiman karena ngira itu bukan kotanya, tapi aku malah nyasar ke hutan-hutan T.T Jadi, begitu keluar pelabuhan, langsung aja tanya-tanya penginapan murah. Disana masih ada penginapan yang harga 75rb semalam tapi kamar mandi luar. Standarnya sekitar 100rb sampai 150rb yang kamar mandi dalam. 

Lanjut. Nah, untuk snorkling keesokan harinya, biasanya ditawarin dengan empunya penginapan, harga snorkling di Karimun, menurut aku, termasuk MAHAL BANGET T.T dibanding snorkling di Gili atau ditempat lainnya. Harga standar sekarang sekitar 175rb. Emang sih udah termasuk makan siang, tapi tapi tapi, nanti kalian cuma bakal dapat 2 spot snorkling, dan mampir ke pulau menjangan kecil (bagus banget sih!) tapi bakal bayar 10rb buat tiket masuk dan terakhir bakal mampir ke penangkaran anak hiu, dan guess what, bayar lagi cuy 40rb. Jadi kalau ditotal... hmmm... ya segitu lah ya. 
Aku saranin kalau kalian hemat budget, kalian bisa skip di penangkaran hiu. Tinggal bilang ke mas-masnya kalau kalian gak ikut turun, jadi nanti cuma nunggu di kapal aja sampai peserta lain selesai bermain-main dengan hiu. Gapapa kok, mereka ngerti kalau kita gak punya budget lebih untuk ikutan berenang sama hiu. Tapi gimana kalau penasaran dengan hiunya? :[ Tenang, tenang, aku punya cara supaya kalian bisa liat hiu tanpa bayar. Jadi kalau kalian udah nunggu di kapal selama kurang lebih setengah jam, izin aja ke awak kapalnya kalau kalian mau ke toilet, nah kalian bakal ngelewatin penangkaran hiu itu (walaupun gak berenang bareng sih), seenggaknya kalian gak penasaran2 amat. Lagian, in my personal opinion, it's not worth 40rb. Seriously. 

Oke. Selain snorkling, ada beberapa destinasi lain di Karimun. Kayak pantai Anora, bukit love, dan apalagi satunya aku lupa wkwk. Pokoknya kalau ke Karimun, menurut aku, 3 hari dua malam itu sudah lebih dari cukup kok. Asal kalian memanfaatkan waktu sebaik-baiknya.









Udah ah, segitu aja dulu ya. Nanti kapan-kapan cerita lagi deh. Kalau ada pertanyaan bisa kirim email di nadia.imanda96@gmail.com maybe I could help. Thanks for reading this tho :]

  
Perhaps I’ve been gone too far
Or too long
That I forgot the home I used to belong

It’s tiring just to imagine that I have to go back
To the days where I was

I feel exhausted just to imagine
That there are certain people I need to take care of
As soon as I get there

Perhaps I’m nothing
But a selfish bitch

Before this getaway ends up
I already can’t wait for the next one

But home…
Is suppose to be where you heart is…
Right?

Why is my heart not even wanted to go back home?
Why is my heart always saying no?

Still, don’t worry; my body will be there
It has to be
Even though, the heart might not
Who cares? People only able to see the outside
Don’t call me by my nickname
I might fall for you
Don’t talk and smile at the same time
I might fall for you
Don’t give me your dry towel
I might fall for you
Don’t shower me with attention
I might fall for you
Don’t notice my odd behavior
I might fall for you
Don’t just sit there and stare at the ocean
I might fall for you
Don’t touch my skin
I might fall for you
Don’t exchange the jacket
I might fall for you
Don’t answer anything with a ‘yes’
I might fall for you
Don’t ‘hmm’ me
I might fall for you


Damn, since when falling in love would be this easy?
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  • People are Lonely
    all kind of people no matter what they do they all no stranger to the loneliness the one that sits alone in a fancy coffee shop...
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    I went to see my old friend in hospital. She had an accident with her boyfriend, as soon as I heard that I made time to stopped by. The r...

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