Archive for October 2016

How is the life of those children?

Tell me how to survive. Tell me how they feed themselves.
Tell me how to have a shelter. Tell how to live well without breaking the rules.
Tell me how to escape and not coming back.
Because I want to be able to not needing his present.
I want to be able to stand up for my own.

When the air becomes so cold, it hurts your skin
Colder, it tears up your bones
You could run to the warmer place
But it would wake your demon up
And we both don't want that to happen

So you better bite your tongue
Let the cold swallow you in
Or you can choose to train your demon
Change that vanta black kind of soul
To be just noir
So it'll be easier to breath, lighter to control

Please, please
Don't you unfriend your demon
Feed him the darkness of your soul
Ask him to dance under the moonlight
Sing him lullaby

Because even in the middle of freezing air
To stay alive you need your demon
To keep your heart beat
The cold may break your bones
But your demon is a soldier
And he's stronger when you train him

There comes a day or night when I don't feel like to do anything, but lying beside you - listening to your stories and throwing bad jokes. Stupidly, wasting time with you wasn't a waste at all. It was spending time with someone who I think I love the most.

Until one day, it hits me.

That question I never thought I could think of.

"Define us. You and him." My half heart challenge the other.

"We are so perfect for each other." It answered surely.

And then the other half whispers, "...or we are just perfect for fun?"

After that, everything I see was blury. I wanted to have fun but fun is all we ever have.

I wanted to act romantic but my other half say that I'm not suppose to do that.

Then, my brain comes to join the fight - making it all more confusing and stressing my whole body.

"He is so controversial." My brain said. My heart agreed. "You will have fun when the time comes. Both of you will be perfect for each other - not just be of one those random couple who sinned as much as the rest of couples in this world."

But my heart won't lie that sometimes it misses him.

Me (and my heart) want to hear his voice and his laugh, his scent and comb my hand through his hair, driving the city at night, act like we are innocence.

Yes, he is controversial. He is the match that trigger the fights in me.

Bottle to bottles,

Light on and out,

And the rain outside won't stop pouring,

Just like your glass always fulfilled,

She screams a lot,

But yet you are not listening,

Until the bottle runs out of vodka,

You ask for one more.

She shouts in your ear,

Please, don't do this to me

Only so you will turn your head,

See how broken she is,

Beg you to stop hurting yourself,

And people around you,

However,

Your view wasn't even as clear as the window covered with dew,

You couldn't see,

Your heart is numb since decades,

You can't feel,

How strong she was this whole time,

How brave she was to chose not to leave you behind.

Put the glass down, she begs.

You didn't hear anything,

Because you are drowning in your own sadness,

Think no one could save you,

The sorrow have been dragging your soul,

Till you have none,

She gave you hers long time ago,

So you can breath,

So you can walk this earth freely.

She sacrifices so much,

Give you hundreds of shots,

Now she is getting tired,

Knowing she is nothing,

But a waste.

She is too sober to be drunk,

You are too drunk to be on this fight,

You are not worth it after all,

Sadly, she is aware of that before she turns to ashes.

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