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Home Archive for June 2016
Look at the calender makes me notice that his birthday is coming up real soon. I'm not gonna lie but this time will be the very first birthday celebration with us in each other's side.

Uh-oh. I know, Some normal couples these days will recommend me to arrange some kind of throw party in random hotels with balloons and cakes, a table all set and stuff. But to be honest, I feel like those people who does that to their lover are only beg to stay the night with him/her.

It's like they give you a secret message through that birthday surprise in hotels like,
"Hey babe, happy birthday, you're getting older now. Here's a surprise for you, I pay a lot for those flowers so let's celebrate in this hotel room and have sex after that."

What?!
...what?!
Oops. Did I just mention things that actually real and make sense? Sorry.

C'mon now. Some couples are not being realistic these days.
STOP GIVING HER/HIM THOSE BOOKING IN HOTEL ROOM, HAVING AWKWARD ROMANTIC DINNER AND ONLY SMILES NICELY AT THE CAMERA.
and also, to those beautiful ladies, I know it's nice to be treated that way, but don't forget the real point of being with him. DON'T JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SNAPCHAT POSTS. You're missing the most important thing here.

It's not about being the artist, all you care about was getting applouse for every moment of your life. For those couple I mention, sorry to say that out loud. But I just want you to realize to appreciate THE TIME YOU SPEND WITH HIM/HER.
Don't just care about showing people your sweet moments, be sweet for real between the two of you. Some things might stay special if you keep it private.

Huh. So 'no' to that option. Go back to the main topic.
I actually knew what to give. If you wonder, it's TIME. I'm giving him time. But I'm not sure if we both will not be busy that day. He got his college thing and so am I. As I'm writing this, I still have no idea if we can work it out.

What's for his birthday, is not going to be some kind of surprises. I hope he doesn't bother to expact that I'll knock on his bedroom door (thinking he was sleeping, turns out he's playing games and already knew that I was gonna come) holding cake with twenty candles and having some fellas by my side. Nope. It's not gonna happen. I promise :p

Whatever it'll be, just know that we'll have many birthdays to celebrate ahead of us. Not just this time. Let's looking forward for that, love.

Anyways, I'm glad you're alive.
You will hear the very strange feeling I'm about to tell you. I'm not sure what it is or is it normal or not, but I honestly feel it in my throat. Here it goes...

I miss those days when he still ignores me. I miss getting bruises in my heart and feeling sore in my stomach all day. I miss crying my heart out and stay out of everybody's way to hide my puffy eyes. I miss the moment when I was walking towards him but he was running away from me. I miss those sleepless night, listening to my 'broken hearted' songs. I miss those days when all I do was making poems for him eventhough I know he won't read them. 

I miss those days of being broken by him.

That's strange, right? 
I starting to feel that since I read 'Love, Rosie' by Cecelia Ahern. It got me so very into it that I feel like I myself as Rosie and begin to remember all those dark times in my life. Rosie and Alex are wasting their time to catch up on each other but never tell that they've been in love for ages! 

I can feel Rosie in my bones. It makes me misses how my 'Alex' was. 

lily collins, love rosie, and sam claflin image

But at the same time, I was also gratefull that I now have my own Alex. 
My Alex didn't play run and hide for too long that we don't miss decades for not being together. 
My Alex stays. Unlike Rosie's. 

Funny, that fact makes me even more sad! Rosie been through so much. I wish I was Ruby and gave her better advices (to get in the next plane to Boston and tell Alex how she feels, instead of asking her to give a chance to Brian - which is piss me off even more because Brian was nothing but retard!)

Okay. Language. 

The point is I miss myself back then. I guess it's because life has been treating me so good I forgot how it feels to be in such a disaster. I miss the life of counting problems. Thank you but I want challenges too. 

I don't wanna grow old as fast as Rosie. But I wanna have life full of surprises.
Guess I miss the person who used to come and go in my life but now staying. It's complicated. Really. At least I tried to explain it as clear as I could. 
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