I look at him while he is busy with his phone - scrolling down the youtube channel he thinks interesting enough to see, so I lay beside him which is my most favorite thing, I watch his thumb moves up and down on repeat, I'd never get bored.
and I whisper to my heart, very gentle, I was afraid he could hear it, but I hope he didn't.
"...I almost lose him, you know." Sssshhhh, lower your voice!
"I almost lose him for lame reasons, he almost got away, I almost gave up, we almost end...but look at us now."
It made me flashback to that night when I already set my memories to the list of stuffs that we do for the last time.
The last time we were driving together
The last time I sit behind his back in his new motor bike
The last time we had dinner, well, sadly, I don't even order anything
The last time we spend a night together
The last time he sees my tear falling down
The last time I swear, he could rub the palm of my hand and touch my naked shoulder
The last time I laugh for his stupid joke
The last time he told me that I was lost somewhere
The last time I saw him and he saw me
But the truth is we couldn't live our life without each other
And that was the only strong reason that bring us back to the same path, the same old story
We can't bare the fact that we're doing those stuffs for the last time and we won't do it no more
I was wrong
He was aware
I was stupidly take him for granted
He was patiently trying to figure me out
I made mistakes
So did he
I was exhausted
So was he
But at the same time, we don't want whatever we had ends here
So we continue
So we run
So we keep holding on
So we kiss
And suddenly the world was heavy
Now it's gone
He breath me in, I surrender
He breath me out, I change for good
I look at him while he is busy with his phone - still scrolling down the youtube channel cause he hasn't found anything interesting enough to see, and I still lay beside him which is my forever most favorite thing, I watch his thumb moves up and down, now it stops.
And I whisper with a clear voice to my heart, "He is the love of my life, and I've proved it. I've lied, I've cheated, I was a traitor, I was acting madly crazy, I was unforgivable, I've pushed him away, yet he still here."
He looks at me now, right to my eyeball, very close, and he said, "I can't find something worth our minutes to watch, you pick."
I smile. I'm extremely grateful for having second chance at love.
I love him and all of his scars and his ego, even his silly mustache.
I love him the way I always do, and I hope he still does feel the same way.
"Let's just cuddle ourself to sleep," I replied.
