Let’s admit something,
We all are hiding things,
Deep down inside we are all rot.
Or is it just I?
Because of one example,
There are times when I want to curse certain people who has
something that once belong to me. I hate to see him/her holding what once mine.
Even though, I have force myself not to… and I convince
myself that I shouldn’t feel that way… and I say it out loud so it won’t just
be my fantasy, still, I rot inside.
I tell myself over and over and over again that people
deserve happiness. All kind of people. Including them. I have hurt them and
willing to fix my mistake and to set them free.
I wasn’t a nice person. But keeping promises that already
broken so it can burn to the ground is not the things I usually do. So again, I
set them free. I hope they get better, I wish they could heal their wound I made;
I expect to see them stand on their both feet strongly.
I set them free, I saw them walk away, and I smiled. I was
so relieved. I finally did something right.
However, a year later, I hear some pep talks about them.
They were happy, people said. It makes me curios, so I went away to find out
the truth. When I get there, I smiled and said, “Oh, they ARE happy. I’m glad.”
I made the right choice at the first place. They are better
off without me. And I also have an amazing life either. Lastly, we are both in
the right place; away from each other.
Still, I rot inside.
I don’t want them back; I really don’t.
But to see them happy… have been a difficult time for me.
I am rot inside. I know.
I am not a good person. I know.
But in this new age I step on, I want to be an honest
person. Both inside and out. And I think this could be the perfect first
confession.
“For me, spilled out the truth to others is a piece of cake.
But being honest to yourself is real tough when you couldn’t
trust yourself.
So, say it, out loud; write it down; be brave about it.
Because sometimes, you feel like you’ve been honest but you
don’t; you just keep lying to your face.” – my 2.am thoughts.
