To Be Honest

Let’s admit something,
We all are hiding things,

Deep down inside we are all rot.

Or is it just I?

Because of one example,

There are times when I want to curse certain people who has something that once belong to me. I hate to see him/her holding what once mine.

Even though, I have force myself not to… and I convince myself that I shouldn’t feel that way… and I say it out loud so it won’t just be my fantasy, still, I rot inside.

I tell myself over and over and over again that people deserve happiness. All kind of people. Including them. I have hurt them and willing to fix my mistake and to set them free.

I wasn’t a nice person. But keeping promises that already broken so it can burn to the ground is not the things I usually do. So again, I set them free. I hope they get better, I wish they could heal their wound I made; I expect to see them stand on their both feet strongly.

I set them free, I saw them walk away, and I smiled. I was so relieved. I finally did something right.

However, a year later, I hear some pep talks about them. They were happy, people said. It makes me curios, so I went away to find out the truth. When I get there, I smiled and said, “Oh, they ARE happy. I’m glad.”

I made the right choice at the first place. They are better off without me. And I also have an amazing life either. Lastly, we are both in the right place; away from each other.

Still, I rot inside.

I don’t want them back; I really don’t.

But to see them happy… have been a difficult time for me.

I am rot inside. I know.

I am not a good person. I know.

But in this new age I step on, I want to be an honest person. Both inside and out. And I think this could be the perfect first confession.

“For me, spilled out the truth to others is a piece of cake.

But being honest to yourself is real tough when you couldn’t trust yourself.

So, say it, out loud; write it down; be brave about it.
Because sometimes, you feel like you’ve been honest but you don’t; you just keep lying to your face.” – my 2.am thoughts.