The dust is thick, it smells awful. All the songs hurt. Lead me into the memories I rarely open because I used to think it was okay, it didn't hurt me. But I was dead wrong. I hurt you so bad. So bad even after all these years you still not able to look at me, even from the distance. You are my worst mistakes. I am sorry you have to deal with the very worst version of me. I swear I barely remember her, I barely her anymore. Thanks to you. 

The flashbacks made me disgust of myself. How I react, how I was so angry at all things, how I was so impatient of everything. How did you survive me and still want me even after those toxic moments I put you through? I can't even stand the memories of that person now. I don't even want to be friends with her. It must be hell back then. 

The songs talk about the promises, made me open the box of promises I said to you. There are so many, but I can't read them all 'cause most of them are blurred. But the worst was the one when I said that I don't want to make it a big deal about your birthday because I know that we'll have more birthdays coming to celebrate, you know, because we'll still be together. I remember you were so happy when I said so, I was a jerk, I didn't really mean it. I am sorry I made you believe in me. 

I am sorry you had to go through all those shitty memories about the girl with a short hair, your favorite one. I am sorry you fall for the broken and most damage me. I am sorry you had to be there in my lowest moments. I am sorry you had to deal with my first and only suicidal thoughts, all because I know you know exactly what to say. 

You were my best friend. My diary too. All the never ending conversation about random things. All the stupid jokes. All the drive and the secret city. But you are my regret now, I still hope in another life I didn't do it twice. Just know that even in my dreams, I am sorry.