Getting Engaged

Be careful of what you wish for. If it turned to be true, you might not going to like it. It's okay, you'll adapt. It's always harder in the beginning, but you'll survive, I know you will. When someone believe that you can do anything because they know exactly what you're capable of, just trust them. They know you more than you know yourself sometimes. 

Pictures are perfect. The smiles are not. You try your best to hide the thoughts and the demons but they stayed. People who knows you best, they know something is wrong just by the look on your first picture. You're happy but something is getting in the way. Sooner or later it'll be over. Smile for the picture, just to give them dozens to upload. Are you playing songs in your head? Turn it off and smile nicely. 

Being engaged is some girl's dream. You are not one of them. Being engaged is overrated. It's not changing anything specific. Just another tradition. Live in the moment. Enjoy this, it'll only happen once in your life, you're telling yourself for the seven times already. Are you even paying attention of what everyone else's been saying? No. You don't. You're confused. Act normal. Act like you're meant to be in this room, sitting in the middle of this long table and you look good in white. No, you look pale in white, you always has been. 

What time is it? Is it past twelve? You're still hungry, you didn't eat anything before and you can't eat much because of so many lame reasons. You want to go to the bathroom, the AC is making it too cold, but everyone seems fine with it. Act normal. Where is your phone? Calm down. It'll be over soon. 

You are on the tail. People are not in their seats anymore, but some still having lit conversations. The date is settled. The hammer has been knock down. You did it. You can breathe now. I know there's still red here and there but put it aside just for another minute. After all, it's not so bad right? Eat up the fruits, don't let it go to waste. They are standing, hugging, kissing cheeks, saying very much of good words as a pray. The party is over. Go to the cashier, pay the bills, leave the room, get in the car, start screaming and finally accepting. You have a fiancé now. 

Congratulations, you are engaged.